


Writing Love

by abbyrasberry



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Dark Comedy, Dark Past, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Romance, F/M, Recreational Drug Use, Romance, Self-Destruction, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-16 21:55:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29089395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abbyrasberry/pseuds/abbyrasberry
Summary: Even though Lola has no experience with love, she is a well know romance novelist. However when it is time to write her third book she can’t seem to find the motivation. Her editor suggest she needs to find love in order write. Lola dismisses this comment knowing she is better by herself. Although one night she meets a man named Levi who see instantly clicks with. Will Lola be able to finally write love or will she hide and run away like she’s always done.WILL BE ADDING MORE TAGS
Relationships: Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Reader, Levi/Reader, Oluo Bozado/Petra Ral, Sasha Blouse/Connie Springer
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic so bare with me. Okay that’s it enjoy!

“Don't be afraid to love you’ll forget to live.” I quoted finishing the first draft of my novel. I shut the computer and push myself off of the desk and made my way to the kitchen. I reach into the cabinet to grab the coffee roast, glancing up at the clock on the microwave. It was 4 a.m which means there's really no point in trying to sleep now. I fill the coffee maker with water and press the start button, a routine I felt too accustomed to. Waiting for the coffee to brew I walk over to the window that overlooks the usually busy road. I look down to see the road bare painted with the lights from the street lamps.

I wonder what would happen if I were to fall out of the window. Would I die? Just break a couple ribs? My thoughts were interrupted with the screaming coffee machine telling me the coffee was ready. I drag my feet over to the refrigerator grabbing the milk without the need to look. I prepare my coffee to my liking and return to my desk, reopening my computer. I glance over my work feeling dissatisfied. I was having a bad case of writer's block, and it clearly showed in my writing. Half of the book was just filler sentences describing the scene. The words were lifeless and stale. With an irritated sigh I decided to open another document hoping that staring scratch would ignite something in me. 

I must have been typing for quite some time because when I finally look up I see that the sun has appeared. The fiery rays shine into my apartment revealing the dust that has settled around me. I wonder when the last time I cleaned up around here. 

I decided a change of scenery was needed. I throw on a probably dirty sweatshirt and shove my feet into some shoes. I throw the rest of the coffee to the back of my throat and make my way to the door. The outside space was quiet except for the flickering lights above me. The air was suffocating as it stuck to my skin. I walk to the railing in front of me looking down at the people. Some are rushing to work and others are walking back home from a night out. I don’t know who I envy more, both parties seem to have more life to them than I ever had. I lit a cigarette to distract from the mundane arua I raidated. The smell of the cigarette soaking into my clothes and the lingering coffee in my mouth made for a definitely appealing combination. 

I quickly became bored and returned to my apartment into my kitchen cigarette still in my mouth. I repeat the same routine with my coffee glancing at the clock on the oven this time. It was nearly 8 a.m meaning I had about 2 hours until I had to meet with my editor. I always dreaded seeing my editor as he would always go on more about his own life then talking about my book. In a way I don’t mind it because then he would only give me short, vague comments about my book saving my dignity. 

Seeing that I had not much else to do I begin getting ready for the meeting. I walk into my bedroom to fish out a pair of jeans and a presentable shirt without even trying to turn on the light. I also can’t remember the last time I used a light switch. In an odd sense I feel I can see better in the dark hiding the unimportant distracting objects around me. I switch into my new clothes and walk into the bathroom. I attempted to cover the very obvious signs of sleep deprivation that appeared on my face. Succeeding to my standards, I chose to leave because what else was I going to do. 

Due to the excess of time I allowed myself, I decided to walk instead of taking the bus. The bus always wreaked of sweat and sadness so I tried to avoid it at all costs. But now that I’m thinking about it maybe I am the one that was wreaking of the sweat and sadness. Well nothing I can really do about that now I conclude. 

I must have been too much into my thoughts or not there at all because I found myself in front of my editor’s office. Looking down at my watch I see I’m thirty minutes early. I shrug my shoulders and knock anyway. I immediately hear shuffling of papers and chairs knowing I probably interrupted something I shouldn’t have. A couple seconds later the door opens revealing my editor and a woman. Both had messy hair and swollen lips. Yep definitely interrupted something. 

“Lola!” He screams with a smile.  
“Oluo.” I respond monotonously  
“Please, please come in.” he instructs.

I make my way in as the woman smiles shyly, snaking her way out of the room. I look back at Oluo seeing that he is erratically organizing the messy papers. I just happen to look to my left and I see what seems to be a small pool of moisture in the corner of the desk. Shivering at the discovery I redirect my attention to the editor. 

“Sorry about this. I thought you were coming at 10.” Oluo states with a hint of annoyance.  
“Yeah I happened to be in the area so I figured I should just get this over with. Obviously that was not good judgment on my part seeing you were clearly busy” I snap back at him  
“Always have never been able to work on anybody's schedule but your own.” he replies with a chuckle.

I’ve known Oluo for a couple years now. We met in college when he started dating my roommate, so safe to say this isn't the first time I’ve interrupted a similar situation. He’s a nice guy and all but definitely only uses one out of the two heads he has. After the breakup between him and my roommate, he began a habit of casual sex probably trying to fill some hole. I felt bad for the poor guy when she broke up with him he was devastated and absolutely heartbroken. Honestly the only reason I’m still in contact with him is because I knew he would be beneficial to me for my writing career. 

“Alright let’s see what trainwreck we have this week” he begins as he glances over my work.  
After a couple of seconds he bluntly says, “Have you ever been in a relationship.”  
“If this is your way of confessing your love to me I am going to have to politely decline.” I say with a laugh.  
“Haha very funny. No. What I mean is your first two works were great. I mean look at the outcome, but I read this and it’s almost like it’s written from a completely different person.”  
“Oh, uh yeah, I’ve been having a hard time finding motivation” I say looking down at my lap as if I were a child who just got scolded at.  
“You didn’t answer my question. Have you ever been in a relationship?” He asked again  
“No.”  
“That's what I thought. The first two books were written as if they were written from someone who has experienced love. This one is all forced and dead.” 

The words he said hurt, but they were true. I had even thought the same thing too. 

“I don’t know, maybe faking love comes at a 2 book limit.” I say using sarcasm to lighten the mood.  
“Yeah maybe. But listen if you keep going at this rate you are going to produce something no one is going to read. I’m not saying this as your editor, I’m am saying as your friend.”  
I see the pity in his eyes making me want to punch him, but I refrain from doing so and say, “Well shit it sounds like you are telling me I need to be in a relationship in order to write.”  
“No not exactly, it just doesn’t seem like you have much experience with love.”  
“Um okay Mr. Therapist, let me go fall in love real quick be right back.” I say not being able to take the situation seriously.  
“Okay, maybe not love but intimacy. Don’t fire me for saying this but maybe you need to get laid.”  
The look I gave him must have made him regret his statement because he quickly retracted his previous statement saying, “Okay, okay nevermind you’re good on your own.”

The meeting lasted another 30 minutes mostly of him complaining about his life. He tells me he went to some club last night and got too fucked up to even know his ass from his head. He ended up banging some woman who ended up being the woman I saw earlier. At this point I’m too invested in his love drama that I prefer this part of the meeting than the part of him criticizing my work.

“Why do you guys have to be so clingy.” he says  
“By you guys are you referring to women?” I say defensively.  
“Well obviously not you. But yeah woman.” 

I was conflicted if I should have been insulted or not. I didn’t really care enough to figure it out. 

“Listen guys are just as bad so quit acting as if being clingy is the worse thing to be. I mean did you clarify that you weren't looking for a relationship.’ I asked  
“Well, maybe, I don’t remember.”  
“Okay, first, quit assuming women can read your mind and second, is it so bad that a woman is willing to have more than a one night stand with you. I mean she obviously had a great time since she came back for more this morning.” I say glancing over to the wet spot I’ve been trying to avoid.  
“Okay out. I’ve had enough I can figure out for myself. I mean who am I to be asking you for love advice when you can't even write a damn decent romance novel.” he snapped back with reddening cheeks.  
“Okay okay.” I say raising my hands up in defeat.  
I spring up from the chair and make my way to the door. Beore the door could close I hear him scream, “GO GET FUCKING LAID.”

I rolled my eyes and made my way out of the building with no particular destination in mind. The air was hugging my skin as it was stickery than earlier. Maybe even the air could since my loneliness and pitied me too. It didn’t take long for my body to crave another cup of coffee as I had been without one for a couple hours. I chose the nearest coffee place, not really caring if the coffee was even good. I enter the cafe followed by the chiming of the door. The barista at the counter’s head popped up greeting me with a smile. I instantly recognize her as my old roommate who I mentioned earlier. 

“Lola? Is that really you?” Petra said with excitement  
Fuck  
“Wow small world. Hey, Petra how have you been?” I say trying to engage in conversation like a normal person.  
“Not too bad. What’s it been four years? You look great. I heard about your book, congrats on that.”  
“Yeah thanks.” I reply

We spend the next ten minutes catching up. I learned she spent a year in France studying abroad and is an intern at some fancy art gallery. It seemed like she hasn't changed much, still friendly and maybe a little too bubbly. She had always been pretty with her golden orange hair and the hazelnut color encased in her eyes. We only lived together for freshman year, but once she got together with some guy after Oluo I saw very little of her. We were too different so we were never close so I didn’t mind. 

“I’m about to get off, do you want to grab lunch or something?” She asked with an innocent smile.

Damn I was really hoping I could just get my coffee and return to my bed in peace. 

“Hell, why not my only plans for today are a sweet date with my bed and I think I can reschedule. He’s very understanding.”  
“I will never get your sense of humor.” she said chuckling. “But okay great give me like 10 minutes.”

Why did I just agree to do that. I’ve already exceeded my limit of human connection today with my editor. Just as the thought appeared in my mind she came from behind the counter. Too late now I guess.

We ended up getting something to eat at this pizza place and talked for hours to my surprise. She was more tolerable than before making conversation easy and natural. Maybe she got on adderall to help with her very obvious undiagnosed ADHD. 

“You know Olou is my editor.” I said without thinking.  
“No way. How has he been?” She asked with a hint of sadness in her eyes.  
“Want me to be honest.”  
“Please”  
“Terrible, I don't know what power you have on him but I am convinced he's still in love with you. He only spends his time fucking the first girl he sees.”  
“Oh well I guess we are all trying to distract ourselves.” She says lowering her head.  
We began eating our food to fill the awkward silence that fell onto us.  
“You know my friends and I are thinking of going out tonight to the new bar that opened on Bourbon Street. You should come, and you should invite Olou. It would be nice to see him.” she offers  
Great. What is this the twilight zone? When was the last time I went out after 7 p.m?  
“Okay.” I reply almost immediately 

What. Why did I say that? I mean I know she only invited me to see Olou, so I should be feeling used. However I am so bored with my own life I really want to see what happens. Pathetic, I know. 

“Cool, I can come pick you up. I’ll give you my number, so you can send me the address.” She says.

I obliged, celebrating in my head that I don’t have to walk or take the bus. A couple minutes later we decide it is time to go our separate ways until tonight. We say our goodbyes and I find myself in the same situation I was in earlier. Alone with nowhere to really go but home. Fuck, I forgot to even get a god damn coffee. 

I made it to my place shortly after since the restaurant was close to my apartment. I fumble my keys around trying to find the right one and open the door. I rush over to the coffee machine to satisfy my need for caffeine. As I press the start button I hear my phone go off. Confused at the sound I cautiously looked at the screen to see that Petra had texted me. Oh yeah I gave her my number. 

“I’ll pick you up at 10. Don’t forget to invite Oluo. I can pick him up as well!”

Oh yeah I need to call him. I search through my phone to find his number pressing the call button. 

After two rings he picks up with a very aggressive, “What”  
“Who’s got your panties in a twist.”  
“Shut it. What do you want?”  
“I ran into Petra after our meeting. She wants you to go to some bar with us.”  
“Quit fucking with me.”  
“I swear I’m not just be at my place before 10 she said she’ll pick us up.”  
“This better not be one of your sick jokes.”

After that last comment he hung up the phone. “Rude,” I whispered to myself. The glorious scream of the coffee machine made its way to my ears. I rush to it, maybe a little too eager and began my routine. I look at the clock telling me that I have enough time to work on my sad excuse of a book. I sit myself in my chair that has an indention of my ass on the cushion, and begin my work.  
I seem to be losing track of time a little too easily now because I look up and it is pitch black outside. I have an hour before Petra comes to pick me up so I have the perfect amount of time to get ready with putting in the bare minimum effort. 

I stand in front of my closet soaking wet from a quick shower trying to pick out what I want to wear. Nothing really excites me so I pick out a black plain dress. As I’m about to change into it I hear the doorbell ring. Perfect.

“One sec,” I yell 

I rush to put the dress on and look in the mirror. The dress is fitted and hugs my breast and ass to my liking, not that's really anything to hug. I shrug my shoulders telling myself “Good enough,” and walk towards the door. I open the door and see Oluo standing with a bouquet of flowers.

“Oh you shouldn't have.” I say brushing the air in front of me with my hand.  
“Funny. So when is she getting here.”

As if she could hear us I heard my phone buzz signaling a text from Petra saying, “I’m here!”

“Right now.” I say looking up at him.

I noticed his breathing quicken and his face reddening obviously becoming flustered at the thought of seeing Petra. I grab my things and exit the apartment passing Olou on my way.

Patting him on the shoulder I say, ”Breathe maybe she’ll be too clingy and you’ll decide you don't love her anymore.”  
“Yeah with that attitude you will definitely not be getting laid anytime soon.”

I whip my head and glare at him, making him shiver in fear. 

We approach the car. I allow Oluo to sit up front because I am very curious to see if he will crash and burn. 

“Olou! Hey! How are you? It's been so long!” Petra basically screams ignoring my presence. 

They begin the awkward small talk as Petra starts to drive. It seems like Oluo forgot about the flowers because it's 10 minutes into the drive and he’s still holding them.

“Olou, so what's with the flowers.” I said giving him the push he needs.

Now it was his turn to glare at me. After multiple attempts he finally explains to Petra the flowers are for her. The whole scene makes me want to gag, but Petra is smiling so big it hurts to look at her.

“You know what’s funny. I saw Oluo go into your apartment, Lola, with the flowers and thought he was giving them to you.”  
Oluo and I exploded with laughter shaking the car to no end.  
“M-me w-with her.” Olou says gesturing towards me.  
“Someone call Saturday Night Live, we have a comedian on our hands.” I said catching breath.

Once we arrived at the club all three of us were still laughing from the event that had just occurred. Wiping the tears from laughter from my eye I dished out my id and showed it to the bouncer. He simply nodded his head granting my entrance. I was the last out of the three of us to enter and there was no sight of them. Well more like it was impossible to see with the blinding, seizure inducing strobe lights. After a good 30 seconds of glancing around I gave up on my hunt and headed towards the bar. Swimming my way through the hot sweaty bodies immediately made me dread my decision in coming here. I raised my hand to grab the bartender's attention and told him to give me the strongest he had. 

“A wild one, I see,” the bartender observed.  
“Hardly, I just happened to get dragged here and I’m not going to be able to survive this sober.” I said with a laugh.

He smiled at my comment and handed me my drink. I turned around with my drink in hand watching the scene before me. Bodies of all shapes and sizes melting together, not caring about the world around them. My eyes fall on a familiar girl with orange hair grinding against a man with a brown undercut. Finally I realized it was Petra and Oluo and turned around trying to erase the sight from my mind.

As I took a sip of my drink I felt a heavy weight run into my back making my drink spill a bit on my chest. Rolling my eyes I turned around to see who the perpetrator was, but I wasn’t even able to process his face before he mumbles “sorry” and rushes off. All I saw was the back of him. He stood a little taller than me and had hair as black as coal. I shrug off the event and remind myself this is the reason why I don’t go out. I down the rest of my drink and head to find the bathroom to clean up. Luckily the restroom was close to the bar, which I had to give it to them. It is a smart layout choice.  
I push myself through the door, and I am reunited with Petra who is fixing her makeup in the mirror.

“What kind of trouble did you get yourself into this time.” she says a little slurred looking at the wet spot on my chest.  
“Just innocently minding my busy, heinous crime if you ask me.” I answer.  
“Well whatever it may be, I think it's time for you to meet my friends.”

Oh yeah, I forgot about her friends. I guess I was too preoccupied with falling victim to the asshole who ran into me. Why is it that I’m letting this get so under my skin?

“Lola just let it got,” I said under my breath  
“What,” Petra questions  
“Oh nothing let's go meet your friends,” I replied, finishing wiping my chest so it's alcohol free. 

Leaving the bathroom she grabs my hands probably afraid that I’ll run off, and drags me through the crowd. We near a rounded booth full of people, one being Oluo, and I assume that these are the said friends. Petra stops making me run into the back of her and introduces me to the group of staring eyes. I didn’t catch any of their names due to the loud ass music and my inability to care. Although someone did catch my eye. A man with hair balck as coal, and I realize that this is the guy that made me spill my drink. I get pushed into the table and end up sitting in between him and Petra.

I guess I was glaring at him for too long because he asks, “What?”  
“You know you should work on your apology skills.”  
“Huh?”  
“You bumped into me earlier at the bar. You made me spill my drink.”  
“Sorry.” he said with no emotion.  
“See right there. That’s an awful apology.” I say.  
“Sorry,”  
“Okay seems like I’m not getting through to you. At least buy me another drink.”

With no response I thought I had pissed him off as he got up to leave. My heart dropped out of embarrassment. I began to scold myself toning out the conversations around me. 

It's been five minutes and still no sight of that man. This must be a special power I have, one to drive people away. I look down at my lap trying to hide the sadness that appeared on my face. I feel movement next to me and assume it must be Petra adjusting herself, but I see that someone is holding a drink below my eyes. I look up and see black haired man sitting next to me. 

“Sorry the line was long,” he said  
“Better. The apology. That was better.” I replied  
“Levi” he said as he handed me the cup  
“Well, Levi, I’m Lola.”


	2. Needing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO how is everyone after the new episode? Yeah definitely gonna need a therapist after that one. Anyway here's another chapter. Next chapter will probably be out tuesday.

The club was dying down only a couple of people swaying in front of the DJ as they played slower songs to end the night. The table in front of me was full of empty bottles. I was afraid to move to cause one of them to fall on the floor. Everyone out of the group I was with had left except for Petra and Oluo, who couldn't keep off of each other, and Levi and me. The entire night Levi and I talked and complained about our lives. I learned he was in the military for a bit only to escape his family and then went to school to be an EMT.

“Saving lives, how noble of you.” I jokingly say  
“Tch, something like that,” Levi replied

I sensed his reply probably had a story behind it that was too personal to disclose to someone he just met. I heard Petra giggling like a school-girl which made my head turn in her direction. I saw the love and lust they both had in their eyes. It was endearing really. Having someone to love you as much as you love them. Early in life I accepted the fact I would never experience that. It was too much trouble anyway, too much pain. Petra’s eyes drew towards mine.

“I think Oluo and I are going to call it a night. Do you need a ride back to your place?” she said through her giggles.  
“No, I’m okay. It's a nice night for a walk.” I replied.

Honestly I only said that because I didn’t want to deal with them in the car. I would have felt like I was invading, an unwanted burden. They then stood up and headed towards the door saying their goodbyes. 

Of course Oluo couldn’t leave quietly and screamed, “Get fucking laid tonight.”  
“You too.” I shouted back 

Levi gave me a puzzled look. I explained to him about the meeting I had with Oluo where he told me I need to “get laid” to write my book. Levi only shook his head and laughed at how idiotic the situation sounded. I couldn’t help but agree. 

“Looks like we’re the only ones left. I'm sure you want to go home too?” I questioned with a bit of pain. I hate to admit it, but I wasn’t having a bad time talking to Levi. He seemed to understand more than most people do.  
“From the looks of it, it's, what, 1 a.m. night’s still pretty young to me.” Levi answers sipping his drink. 

I’m pretty sure this man is on his 8th drink of the night and it doesn’t even seem to have an effect on him. Levi begins to finish his drink off and grabs his coat. I give the man now standing over me a confused look. 

“You know I’m getting hungry. Come on, let's find a place to eat.” he says.

I agree and shimmy my way out of the booth. When I saw him he was on his way out the door and quickly nonchalantly sniffed the cup out of curiosity. Water. This motherfucker was drinking water. I shake my head and giggle to myself as I leave the booth. Levi must have heard me laugh because he stops in his tracks and turns to me.

“Something funny?” he says sternly. A couple hours ago I would have cowered frightened of the intimidation, but now I see that in his eyes he is only teasing me.  
“Stupid of me to assume that you could down 8 drinks and still walk in a straight line.” I reply.  
“Who said I was drinking alcohol.”  
“Well sue me for not thinking you were drinking water at a club. I mean really who drinks water at a club.” I joke. 

The look Levi gave me was unexplainable. A mix between anger, sadness, and maybe even guilt. Looks like I must've hit a nerve. I need to make a mental note to keep my fucking mouth shut.

“Sorry.” I mumble  
“That’s an awful apology.” He said with a trying smile.  
Good he’s joking. I didn’t fuck this up.  
“Come on now. Where are you kidnapping me to.” I say while giving him a playful hit to knock him out of the emotions he was feeling. 

We walked, and walked, and walked to end up finding out that there was absolutely no restaurant, diner, or even fast food place open. After walking for at least an hour we found ourselves walking down a pier as we had given up on the search for food. The warm breeze danced with my hair and brushed the top of my head as I looked down watching my stepping feet. Levi was a couple steps ahead of me, and we remained in a comfortable silence. I looked up to see if the moon was visible. I frown seeing that it was not in sight hiding behind the invisible clouds. I focus my line of sight in front of me, and I see a glowing light up ahead at the end of the pier. 

“What do you think that is?” I ask Levi  
“Dunno. Wanna race to find out.”  
“What? Ra-” before I could even finish my sentence he was in a full spirit. I’m pretty sure I could hear the sound of the wind change from his speed.  
“This isn’t fair.” I yell while taking off my heels.

My feet pushed off the ground as I hurled my body forward. The wood beneath my feet was cool and refreshing opposite from the heat that was radiating off of me. Every ounce of me was on fire either signaling for me to stop or reminding me that I was alive. The muscles in my legs were trying to remember how to run since I haven’t done this kind of activity in god knows how long. Finally, I reached the end of the pier where Levi stood proud with a puffed chest almost asserting his dominance. I stop in front of him with my chest falling over, hands propping myself up on my knees. 

“What the hell was that?” I asked through my ragged breath. I don’t think I was breathing the entire time I was running.  
“I was curious. Seems like we reached the jackpot though.” gesturing to the bright light on my right.  
I had almost forgotten why we had run down here in the first place. I tilt my head to my right to see two vending machines screaming my name.  
“Oh thank god.” I exclaim finally sitting myself down on the ground.  
“Do you have any cash?” Levi inquires.  
“Cheapskate I see. Um let me see.” I said reaching for my purse to search for any spare cash or quarters.  
“Three dollars and fifty cents.” I say innocently looking up at Levi.  
“Looks like that’ll get us a drink and one candy bar.”  
“Good enough for me. Choose whatever.”

I hand Levi the money not wanting to even attempt to get up. A few clicking sounds later and a loud clack, I then felt a cool solid object on my head. I look up to see Levi holding a drink on my head. I reach for the drink for him only to snatch it back.

“Half. You get half.” he stated  
“Fine.” I said quickly because in that moment taking a sip from the bottle was all I was thinking about.

I rush to open the cap trapping the water inside. I met the top with my mouth and turned the bottle upside down. Forgetting I was only supposed to drink half, I felt Levi eyeing me making sure I wasn’t going over my limit. I caught his eye and slowly put the bottle down. I held it up to him revealing there was exactly half left. A small laugh escaped from his mouth turning around feeling satisfied. 

“What candy do you want?’ Levi asked  
“Skittles. Easy to split and we can make them last longer than a chocolate bar.” 

Levi nodded his head in response. I slowly leaned back to rest my hand on the wooden planks. Above me was a wooden awning preventing me from looking at the sky. I placed my hands on my face and released a deep sigh of exhaustion. I heard the candy drop from the machine and then felt Levi’s presence sitting to the right of me. I released my hands from my face to look over at the man and the skittles. I heard him tear the bag and immediately my mouth began to water reminding me that I haven’t eaten anything since going out for lunch with Petra.  
“You can have the green ones.” I say pushing myself up from the ground to sit next to him.

“Picky. They all taste the same if you eat a handful.” he replied.  
“That’s true but we need to savor them.” I counter grabbing the bag from him.

He huffed in defeat laying on his back just as I had earlier. 

“Kind of disappointing you can’t see the sky” I say.  
“Yeah, kind of feels like I’m in a box.”

With that I get up and walk out of the awning to the open length of the pier. I awkwardly climb down to the ground to lay on my back. Seconds later Levi mimics my motions.

“Following me?” I tease  
“You have the food.” he retorts 

Fair enough I thought. I reached for my purse to fish out my phone to see what time it was. My phone reads 3 a.m and a text from Petra saying, "Hey, I had really fun tonight. We should do it again. PS I hope you’ll be able to get that stick out of Levi’s ass."  
I’m guessing Levi saw the smile I let draw onto my face because he looks at me and says, “Boyfriend say something funny?”  
“Yes Petra is very funny and a great boyfriend” I reassure.

He rolls his eyes and returns his gaze to the sky as I do the same. 

“Writer, huh. What made you choose to do it.” he asked sincerely.

I told him the story that I’ve basically told everyone. To sum it up writing has always been an outlet starting in middle school. I would write really terrible poems, and then I realized I was bad at poetry and retired from the field. In high school I moved onto short stories which was something I got more satisfaction out of. When it came down to the time in highschool when I had to decide what I wanted to do I told my mom I wanted to try writing. She laughed in my face and forced me to go to the state college to pursue a career in law. I didn’t last a whole semester. The main reason I left was that I just felt like I was wasting my time but maybe it was out of rebellion too. It wasn’t until my first book gave me success that my mom was finally on board with me becoming a writer. It wasn’t that she didn't believe in me, it was more like she didn't believe in people to choose to read my work.  
“Call me a narcissist but I've always wanted something that had my name on it.” I conclude. 

“Well I wanted to be an EMT to prove something to myself rather than help people, so I guess I’m a narcissist too.” Levi responded.  
“I guess wanting the feeling of being needed is something we all want, so we can keep ourselves alive.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“Being needed by someone gives us a sense of self-satisfaction, a kind of reminder that maybe we are doing something right. Sure it’s selfish but that's just the way humans are programmed.”  
“But what if you fail to meet the needs of someone?”  
“Then I guess you have to learn to cope with the blame or guilt, an entirely different problem.”

A loud silence fell over us as we both were contemplating what to say next. I don’t think either of us meant for the topic of the conversation to get so dark. As I realized neither of us were going to say anything else I stood up and walked to the railing of the pier. I looked down at the barely visible waves that were partly illuminated by the light hanging above me. I leaned a bit forward to hear the angry sound of the ocean. What would happen if I jumped? Would I drown? Would I be able to swim to the shore? Or best of all become shark bait? 

“You know we all need someone and someone needs us whether we know it or not is up to our ego.” I said mostly to myself leaning back as my arms stretched out holding the railing.  
“Do you need someone?” Levi asked  
“No absolutely not. I am the exception obviously.” I replied sarcastically to cover up the truth I didn't want to face.

I finally had enough of my melodramatic, movie moment of looking at the ocean and returned to laying on the surface. After another couple minutes of silence, I rolled on my stomach and turned my head to look at Levi. He had his arms draped across his face covering his eyes. I wondered if he was getting tired of the night or my talent of turning a perfect night somber. 

I decided I want to try to lift the dark cloud that hovered over us and asked, “Do you think aliens are real?”  
“Yes, I’m beside one right now.” Levi muttered with a small twitch on his mouth.  
“Fuck off.” I nag throwing my arm over towards his chest to hit him. 

Before I could make contact he grabs my hand quickly. My eyes widened in fear that I pissed him off yet again. Instead of throwing my hand away like I had prepared for, he slowly places my hand on his chest right below his heart. His shirt was cool at first but slowly warmed at my touch. I could feel his heart beating at a steady rate unlike mine. I could feel my pulse in my entire body. What the fuck am I supposed to do now. Leave my hand? Take it off? 

I chose to play it off cool because I’m cool as a fucking cucumber. I squeezed his shirt and released my hand to prop myself up. I straighten my dress out and crack my knuckles. I mean what else was I supposed to do? I pull out my phone to check the time. 5 a.m. Jesus, how long were we laying here. I mean I guess I should have since the sun was beginning to creep it's way up into the sky.

“I think my legs have recovered from the race, which you cheated in. I bet there’s a coffee shop open.” I say trying to rein my nerves back into my control.  
“Only if the coffee shop has tea too.” Levi replies as he gets up. 

We begin to walk a little slower than earlier either from fatigue or the fact we know we are going to have to part soon. At least for me it was a bit of both, although Levi looks fine with no sign of tiredness. The air was a bit warmer than earlier too. The sky was still mostly dark blue with a hint of light at the horizon. I look back to take a mental picture of the place we laid because this is probably the last time I allow myself to see him.


	3. Maid Service

My eyes snap open to the sound of someone impatiently knocking at my door. I looked over at my phone to see it was 10 a.m with missed calls and text messages from my sister. I sigh while throwing my head into my pillow trying to disappear into my mattress. 

As the knocking continues I hear a woman yelling, “Lola, open up. I know you're in there it's not like you have somewhere to be.”

I hurl my fist into the pillow beside me out of irritation and use my free hand to push myself up. I fling my blanket off exposing my bare legs to the cool air. I stomp my way to the door like an angry elephant stampede. I end up sending the door open so hard it hits the wall. Oops

“You look awful.” the voice said   
“Sasha.” I exasperated turning my head to make my way to my kitchen.  
“I tried calling and texting you and you wouldn't pick up, so I came over to see if you were still alive.” She said as she closed the door and plopped herself in the chair adjacent to the small kitchen island.   
Sasha had always been one to appear out of nowhere like this. I haven’t seen much of her lately since she got engaged to her college boyfriend, Connie. They were pretty much the only people I hung around during my college years, and their friend Jean. Sasha always wanted me to get together with him, but I refused. It wasn’t like he was ugly or ill-mannered, it's just he definitely swung the other way especially when his friend Marco was around. I never said anything though be I’m pretty sure Jean himself didn’t know, and it wasn’t my place. 

“I was asleep.” I explain  
“Ah.” Sasha mumbles pushing the scattered papers around her to grab an apple from the basket in front of her.

I robotically maneuver my way from the coffee maker to the fridge and back. Maybe I am actually a robot and my fuel is coffee? Yeah that doesn't make any sense, I think I’m going crazy.

“Want some?” I offer.  
Sasha only hums a yes in response as she picks up one of the papers and begins reading it.   
“Is this part of your new book?”   
“Yeah it’s awful so don’t say anything.”  
After I conjured up my fuel I leaned myself on the counter across from Sasha and observed her as she read the pages of my book.   
“It’s actually not bad. Better than the shit you made me read a couple weeks ago. I know you’ve been having a hard time trying to write since Mom but this really isn’t too bad.” Sasha says while throwing the paper down back on the counter.  
“Did you get laid like your editor suggested?” she continues  
“Yep how you know. Havent had one second to myself, I’ve been too busy fucking everyone I see.” I joke even though I can't hide the sadness in my eyes. 

It's been about 3 weeks since Levi and I spent the night out together. I haven’t bothered to reach out to him through Petra because it just seems like too much work. I would rather be able to keep the memory of that night instead of the chance of it being spoiled if we saw each other again. I didn’t want to be greedy with my feelings with him since that has never benefited me in the past. Everytime I have a moment to myself my mind will linger back to him, but I usually shake it off and distract myself with work. 

I didn’t bother telling Sasha about Levi which is abnormal since I tell her most things. I just didn't need to have her bothering me with her lewd fantasies and constant questions. 

“But something did happen. You’ve been more distant these past couple weeks haven’t you.” she questions mostly to make me realize that I indeed have been distant.   
“I’ve just been busy with writing, nothing too dramatic.” I explained failing at being convincing  
“OKay sure, but who is Levi.”   
I almost choked on the coffee I had started swallowing. I was absolutely not expecting this.  
“So something did happen. I ran into Petra the other day and I guess your name came up and she was telling me how you really hit it off with this Levi character.” she explains  
“Nothing happened between us. We just spent the night out going to the pier over there by that restaurant you like.”   
I chose to make the conversation about Levi brief and started asking her about the wedding. She told me she wants a September wedding so it isn't too hot during the day and cool during the night. I made her show me a picture of her dress and even though I never planned on getting married seeing the dress made me second guess myself. It was a princess style dress with lace long sleeves and a deep v cut stopping right under her sternum. Instead of the dress being white it was more cream colored than anything. When I asked her about it all she said was “anything white is just screaming for food to get dropped on it, and you know me.”

It was about noon when Sasha decided to leave. She wanted me to do some cake tasting thing with her tomorrow to “get me out of the house.” 

“Isn’t that a bit too early to do if you don't have a date for the wedding yet?” I asked   
“Um well, this isn’t technically for the wedding. I may or may not have lied and said that I’m getting married next month. I just really wanted to taste cakes.” Sasha shamefully admitted.

Once she left I returned to my cabinet to pull out the coffee grounds. To my surprise my hand fell on the floor of the cabinet instead of the bag of coffee that is usually there. I look up and push the unnecessary objects around to see if I had just misplaced it. After searching for a long 3 minutes I gave up realizing that I was out. I roll my eyes as I realize I needed to go across the street to the small grocery store. 

I grabbed my phone and the spare cash I had floating around and headed out the door. I don’t even bother locking the door because honestly, if anyone tried to break in I’m pretty sure the sight of the inside would send them into cardiac arrest. 

I scurried down the rusty stairs that lead to a dirty alleyway. I turn right to face the street bustling with cars and people. I see a clearing and break into a fast paced walk. Not a jog. Never a jog. After crossing the street I found myself in front of the grocery store’s sliding doors. I enter with the mission to return to my apartment in no more than 5 minutes.

I make a beeline to where I know my regular coffee is but I stop in my pursuit when I see a familiar figure looking at the tea selection. Frozen with inability to think a cough escapes my mouth without my intention. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. To my luck though he doesn’t seemed phased by my noise and continues his search. I shyly tiptoe my way to grab my coffee and I see that he is wearing earbuds. Thank god. I hurriedly grab the bag and walk towards the cashier. I find a line that will cover most of my body just in case and let out a long breath I was holding in. 

“You know you should try caffeinated tea. It's better for you.” A deep voice erupted from my body

My shoulders tensed and my eyes closed at the voice knowing who it belonged to.”

“Most tea tastes like grass, and as far as I remember I am not a herbivore.” I squeak out cringing at my attempt to make a joke.   
I put my coffee on the conveyor belt as he mimics my actions with his tea. Before I can get up to pay he interjects saying, “Ring this up to with hers.” pointing to his tea. 

He gently pushes me to the side and takes out his card and pays for the items. The cashier looks too bothered to care what was going on. I grab the bag and we walk out the sliding door together. I look at him an cock my head to side, eyes saying, “what the fuck was that.”

“Think of that as paying you back for getting my tea a couple weeks ago since I forgot my wallet at home.” Levi explains.

“Thank you.” I say meekly. 

I couldn’t look him in the eye because then he would see my unsteady breathing due to my flustered heart beat. 

“Let me walk you to your place.” he offers  
“No.” I say too quickly. “I mean that’s okay I live right there.” pointing to the building across the street.  
“Good that means I don’t have to walk far, and who knows you might get hit by a car. We don’t want that to happen.” he says while walking to the edge of the sidewalk waiting for a moment to cross the street. 

I walk over adjacent to him still holding the grocery bag. To a stranger we might seem like a couple who stopped by the store and are now returning home. My heart did a little cartwheel when the thought appeared, but soon disappeared when I felt Levi’s hand pulling mine into the street. We successfully made it to the edge of the staircase and I began to lead the way up to my apartment. Once we arrived at my door I opened it thinking Levi would follow me in as if we were in an established relationship. 

Snapping out of my fantasy I looked back at him and said, “You can come in if you want.”  
There was a slight hesitation making my palms begin to sweat  
“Okay.” he finally said   
“Sorry it's a mess. Earlier my sister described it as the aftermath of a tornado.” I said while placing the grocery bag on the counter  
“I think she was just being nice. It looks like the aftermath of the world’s worst natural disaster. This is probably why you keep writing shitty stories”   
“Maybe, but I’m still not going to do anything about it. Too much work.”

I quickly pull the coffee out of the bag and begin my routine. Without looking up from stirring the milk into the coffee I ask, “Do you want me to make you some of your tea. There's really nothing else other than coffee that I can offer you.”  
“No let me do it. You’re going to fuck it up and probably end up starting a fire.” He chuckles.  
I roll my eyes and begin to get out whatever I think he may need to make the tea. Almost as if he is in his natural environment he begins his own routine.   
After he starts seeping the tea bags he turns to me and says, “Can I clean up for you?”  
Taken back by his request I joke “Are you Mr. Clean or something.”  
“Let’s just say this is definitely what my hell looks like.” Levi replies looking around the kitchen and small living room area.   
“I don’t have much cleaning supplies there's a vacuum and mop in the closet in my room.”  
“No broom? You have hardwood.” he observes   
“Well, I just normally vacuum the hardwood. I mean it gets the job done.” 

He shakes his head and makes his way into my room. I could’ve sworn I heard him let out a swear as he enters my room since it probably doesn’t look any better than what he’s already seen. Usually I would be irritated with someone who seems so comfortable in a new environment but this was different. It almost seems like he’s been here numerous times already. 

After a minute he reappears with a vacuum and mop. He takes off his jacket and neatly folds it to place it on the counter. I couldn't help but stare at his toned muscular arms. When I first saw him he was wearing long sleeves so I couldn’t see them before. Levi then brushes by me to turn the burner off where his tea sat, which interrupted my persistent staring.

“Well if playing maid, I’m going to work on writing. Let me know if you need help to know where anything goes.” I say walking towards my desk that sits under one of the only windows in my apartment.

He begins sorting through the papers on the counter while I begin typing away. A sense of calm falls onto the apartment in that moment. Sure this is a really fucking odd situation but I haven’t felt this relaxed is a couple years.

It must have been a couple hours later when I feel Levi peering over my shoulder reading the screen.

“This is good. Does that mean you got laid.” he says half jokingly   
“No I guess I just got my groove back.” I say leaning back into my chair accidently closing the space between our faces. 

I steal a glance at his face and I can see his eyes following and soaking in the words on the screen. I guess he felt my stare and looked back at me. Why can he always tell when I’m staring at him? Our eyes lock and my heart picks up speed. I wouldn’t be surprised if he could see my heartbeat throw the t-shirt I was wearing. 

Breaking the obvious sexual tension that had arisen I avert my eyes to my surroundings seeing that the living room and kitchen were spotless. I push myself up and walk around in awe. 

“Wow kind of forgotten what color wood was on the floor. May have to keep you around more.” I say  
“So that means if I would’ve offered to clean your filthy cave you would’ve asked for my number that night.” he says with a cold stare  
“Well you didn’t ask for mine.” I defended knowing it was a lame excuse.  
“I tried to get it from Petra that morning, but she refused and said ‘let her come to you first she gets scared easily.’”   
“Sounds like she definitely didn’t hold back.” I say through a forced laugh. “She should know I’m never the one to make any kind of first move.” I explained a little confused.   
“Don’t worry about it, I get it.” he replies.  
“It’s not like I didn’t want to, it's just that, like Petra said, I was scared.”   
“Why, I would have happily given it to you.”  
“It’s complicated, I’m complicated, I just don’t let myself have good things.” 

The words slipped out of my mouth. I didn’t mean to actually tell him why I didn’t try to see him again. My words seemed to have satisfied him though, letting him know he did nothing wrong.

“For what it’s worth, I’m glad we ran into each other earlier.” he admitted  
“Do you smoke? I need a smoke.” I say 

Without waiting for a response I ran over to my bag and pulled out a red pack of cigarettes and a light. I motioned him to follow me as I opened the door. I step into my usual smoking spot, leaning against the railing as I always do. I fumbled with the pack and pulled one out and handed it to Levi. He took it and retrieved a cigarette from the box and I lit the end for him. We stood there as our cigarettes were dwindling down to nothing. When there's nothing left to it I take it from my mouth and push it onto the railing it discarding it over the railing. 

“What time is it?” I ask   
“Almost 5.” he answers looking at his watch  
“Were you off today.”   
“Yeah today and tomorrow.”  
“Do you want something to eat since you're here? You're probably hungry from the maid service you provided me with.”   
“Is food your payment to me?”   
“Yeah sure let’s go with that.”

I open the door throwing it a little wider so Levi can follow behind me. I walk over to the fridge and open it to see what I can conjure up. 

“Looks like you're gonna be a little short on your payment.” Levi says referring to the barren fridge.  
I close the fridge a little too forcefully criticizing myself for having no food. “I’ll just order a pizza.” I conclude   
“Okay get whatever you usually get I’ll just pick off whatever I don’t like.” he said

I send Levi to the couch to turn on the tv as I order the pizza. After I order I join him on the couch. My heart begins to pick up speed again. Becoming too conscious of my body I immediately don't know what to do with my hands or legs. I feel like I’m some wild animal that has never sat on a couch in their life. 

Not knowing what to do I bluntly ask, “Do you want to to get high.”  
“One step ahead of you.” Levi responds as he pulls out a dab pen. “Didn’t pin you for someone who smoked.” he continues  
“You really think I write my books entirely sober.” I say laughing

My nerves begin to calm and my surroundings start to soften. Before we know it we are laughing our asses off at some Adult Swim show. Our laughing fit is then interrupted by a small knock at my door.

“Pizza.” I squeak stumbling my way to the door.

I receive the pizza and bring it to the couch setting it on my lap. I opened up the warm box as the smell of cheese and tomato sauce hit my nostrils. 

“Fucking finally.” Levi says as he reaches for a piece.

Of course the piece he chose is right above my crotch and the indirect touch sends a shiver down my spine numbing the high. He doesn’t seem phased by it or even having any indication that he knew what he just did. Before long I was entrapped in the screen, forgetting what just happened. 

It's completely dark now, which brings a way of sadness over me as I realize the night is coming to an end. I look over and see Levi is sipping his tea from his second pot with eyes still on the screen. Once again he turns his head finding my eyes. Damn I need to either learn how to stare indiscreetly or just not stare at all. I know by now the latter is going to be close to impossible. Partly because I am a nosy person and partly because I found that I have no control over my eyes when I’m with Levi. 

Levi brings his tea down to meet the coffee table in front of us still leaving his eyes on me. My lips depart from each other as I find that I need more oxygen to supply my lungs than my nostrils can provide. He must have sensed my distress but disregards it as he begins to lean forward. He slowly approaches me as if I am a bird that might take flight any moment. I lean back into the armrest of the couch, his body following mine. When I can't lean back any further he stops to hover over me extending his arm to the space beside my head stabilizing him. We stay like this for a couple seconds, trying to communicate through our eyes. 

Enchanted by the atmosphere I bring my hand to meet his cheek using my thumb to brush across his lips. I can see that he is struggling to figure out what to do next. He slowly purses his lips to plant a gentle kiss on my thumb. Now I am pretty sure my heart is about to leave my body and walk out the door. 

I close my eyes and whisper, “It’s getting late. You should go.”   
Levi, feeling defeated sighs and replies saying, “Yeah okay.”

Too stunned to move I watch him as he stands up and gathers his coat from the counter. I slowly remove myself and walk around the couch to lean on it’s back restricting myself from going any close in fear I might jump him like a rabbit in heat. 

“Are you okay to leave. I mean are you still high.” I pitifully ask.  
“Seems like I don’t really have a choice.” Levi coldly states. 

Yep that one hurt, although I can’t blame him. I walk with him to the door.

“See you later.” I mumble opening the door  
“Yeah.” he says almost inaudible

I closed the door quickly because the sight of him only hurt more. I stood in front of the door after closing it cursing at myself. How can I be so stupid to push him away like that. My body fills with anger I feel towards myself. I bring my hands over my face and tears I didn’t know I had began to slip out. Not being able to control myself I walk over and kick the closet thing near me. It ended up being the chair Sasha had sant in earlier. The kick ended up breaking one of the leg’s of the chair making it wobble for a second and finally fail on the floor. I followed the chair letting myself collapse.

“Why, why, why.” I repeated in a whisper. 

A soft knock on the door halted my childish temper tantrum. Reluctantly I walk over to the door and slowly open it.

“I forgot my tea.” Levi says in a monotone voice

I don’t know what came over me but I leaped at Levi and linked my arms around his neck. Levi stumbled into the railing behind him. I pull back and look him in the eye. He must’ve seen the wetness on my face reflected from the light above us because he wiped my face to rid the moisture. 

My hands found his cheeks as I said, “I can’t let myself let you go for the second time.”

I pull his face to meet mine allowing our lips to melt into each other. It was warm and salty from the tears that were still falling from my face. We stood there as each one of our legs met the space in between our thighs. 

I release myself from the kiss to look into Levi’s eyes. His eyes were full of lust and impatience and maybe a hint of confusion. Not being able to wait another second I pulled him by his shirt and began walking backwards into my apartment. Levi closed the door behind him, eyes still locked on mine.

“If you keep that bratty attitude of yours up I’m going to have to put a fucking leash on you.” He said with a joking intent.

I pulled him close to where my lips met his ear. “Do it then.” I whispered.


	4. Cake and a Wet Dog

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a late update I kinda got bored with this chapter because it's mainly a filler chapter. btw the next chapter is also a filler chapter. I think I know where the story is going so I excited to write the juicy parts. Anyway here chapter 4.

A sense of deja vu arose when I was yet again awoken by loud and consistent knocking at my door. I reach over to grab my phone on the nightstand but instead, my arm hits a warm, hot surface. Before I am even able to register what is happening I hear a groan to the side of me. 

“Did you just hit me?” Levi’s voice croaked  
“Well not on purpose. Hand me my phone.”

Levi does what I instructed and I see that I have, yet again, multiple texts and missed calls from Sasha. 

“Fuck.” I whisper to myself as the banging on the door continues   
“Lola, if you’re still sleeping I will murder you,” Sasha says in a singsong voice

I forcefully remove myself from the sheets that laid on top of me and begin heading towards my front door. Before I can reach my own bedroom door I felt something light get thrown at me. I turn around to see it was the sheet that was on my bed.

“You’re still naked unless you greet your guest like that,” Levi mumbled shifting him onto his stomach  
“Oh yeah thanks,” I said with half-lidded as and absolutely no sense of what was going on

My legs were sore as if I hadn’t been able to walk on them in years. My throat and lips were dry and scratchy. I mean Jesus was he trying to kill me last night? With the minimal strength I had, I approached the door and creaked it open so only my head was out the door. 

“So you were sleeping.” Sasha bellowed as she stormed into the living room. “Why are you only wearing a sheet.” she paused. “No way is someone here!” Sasha whispered  
“What are you doing here,” I say rubbing my eyes  
“Cake!” Sasha says with a big smile  
“Oh shit yeah. I’ll go get ready.”

Right as I turned around to go into the bedroom, Levi was making his way out. My eyes widened as I realized the situation I was in. 

“I’m hoping this is Levi.” Sasha let out   
I whipped my head to scold her but before I could Levi said, “I’m making tea. Do you want me to start the coffee?” Good, he’s ignoring her as he should.   
“Yeah sure. I actually have to go out with Sasha here in a minute but you can stay for as long as you want.” I suggest   
“No, bring him!” Sasha interjected 

I looked at Levi and he just shrugged his shoulders.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Sasha exclaimed.  
“Okay give me 10 minutes,” I replied

Once I had gotten ready and Levi put the same clothes on that he wore yesterday, all three of us headed out. The air was cooler than it has been meaning it’s probably going to rain. I always loved the rain and the smell if bought after it had left. It always seemed like the rain was trying to purify the earth by trying to shoo us, humans, out. Sasha had brought her car so I took the front and Levi sat in the back. I properly introduced the two followed by Sasha’s interrogation on what happened last night. 

We arrived at this fancy restaurant with a french name I couldn't even begin to try to pronounce. We tackled a couple of chefs and Sasha explained what she was looking for. “Refreshing but bold” is how she described the taste she wanted. As she told the chef this, I felt a small kick come from Levi. I look over at him and he looks down at his lap and then back at me. His eyes almost saying, “Bet refreshing and bold could describe a lot of other things.” I made an awkward unpleasant sound as I was trying to suppress my laugh. I could feel that Sasha was rolling her eyes but continued her conversation with the chef.

We spent the next hour testing samples of different cake flavors and of course, Sasha liked them all.

“Can I have multiple cakes at my wedding?” Sasha says turning to me.   
She had a mouthful of cake in her mouth, so I covered her mouth with my hand and said, “only if you can chew with your mouth closed.”

My statement must have turned Levi on because he coughed trying to cover up the fact he was readjusting himself in his chair. I smiled at the newfound power.

“I just want to take a nap.” I groan placing my head down on the table. My stomach felt like it was fighting against me for stuffing it too full with cake.   
“Me too. Do you want me to drop you guys off?” Sasha asks  
“Yes please.” I try to say but it came out more like a mumble since I refused to lift my head up from the table. 

Sasha dropped me and Levi back off at my apartment and gave me a quick wink before she sped off. Levi had unfortunately been roped into coming to the wedding that was in nine months. I pretended not to hear her invitation because I was afraid of jinxing it. I’ve never had a relationship or fling last a week, never mind nine months. It’s not like I dislike Levi, it's just that’s a long time to care for someone other than yourself. Call me selfish, but I’ve never been able to put someone else’s needs before mine and that's a foundation of a relationship. I want to live my life without any interruption or distractions. 

Levi and I walked into the apartment and without any words, both of us gravitated towards the bedroom. We crawled into the bed and laid on our backs looking up at the bleak ceiling.

“Have you ever planned on getting married?” Levi asks   
“No. People only do it to satisfy others. You know when you know of a couple who’s been together for years you want to judge them on why they haven’t gotten married yet. I’d rather keep the love between me and my significant other rather than showing it off to everyone.” I answer  
“Yeah makes sense.” 

We laid like that until we both fell asleep entangled in each other's limbs. I had a dream that night that Levi proposed and we got married. It was all magical and what have you until we got home. I would try to open the front door but it was locked. After many failed attempts of trying to pick the lock and break the handle, I started kicking and punching the door. My knuckles were bloody and my feet ached but I didn't care, I had to-needed to-get out. I had tried anything I could think of. With one last desperate attempt, I reached my hand to grab the door handle. I turned it and to my shock, it didn’t stop turning like before. I opened the door and saw everything and nothing. My mother. 

I wake up with my eyes jolting open, looking at the beige bleak ceiling. I roll over and see that it’s 6 p.m and realize that I should probably take a shower. I creep out of bed, so I don’t disturb Levi, who is still sleeping with steady breaths. I slowly open the door to avoid any creaking and maneuver my way into the bathroom. I look into the mirror and see that my mascara is smeared all over my face and a red sleep mark on my cheek. I groan at the sight and begin to turn on the shower. 

I step into the tub and jump at the flaming hot water. I don’t adjust the water temperature because I’ve always liked my showers suffocatingly hot. I let the water fall onto my face to wash away the insecurities I saw in the mirror. 

I start thinking about Levi and what the hell I’m doing with him. I know I am in not the right mental state to be in a stable relationship of any kind. I mean hell I can barely be bothered to call my sister back. A tightening sensation builds up in my chest when I remember the wedding. Why did Sasha invite him? She probably thinks she’s doing me a favor by forcing me into a relationship. She’s always made comments about my choice to isolate myself. I always brushed her off saying I was better by myself, which is true. I have no one and nothing holding me back from what I want to do. 

Halting me from my counting thoughts I hear the bathroom door open. God, I hope someone didn’t break in and is trying to kill me. Well then again maybe I wouldn’t mind. 

“I had to pee.” I hear a tired voice coming from Levi 

I don’t respond because I really didn’t feel like there was any need to. Also because I wanted to ignore the fact Levi was peeing in front of me. I’ve always hated when people it made me feel awkward having to hear it. 

I guess he had finished because he thought it was a good idea to pop his head into the shower. 

“What the fuck are you doing you, psycho,” I question with a high pitched voice 

“Can I join?” he asked with an innocent look. He seems to see nothing wrong with the current situation. 

“Just don’t use all the shampoo,” I replied rolling my eyes 

I hear the rustling of his clothes as he undresses, and seconds later he enters the shower behind me. I turn around and look into his eyes and shake my head. I snake my way around him so that he can feel the water. I realize that this was a bad idea because I was now cold. I wrap my arms around him to feel some sort of heat. I place my forehead in his back as he starts to clean himself. 

“This shower is too small. I’m cold” I say patting his chest. “Come fuck me after you’re done. I’m bored.”

I climb out of the tub and wrap a towel around my body. It’s not like I didn’t like showering with him. It’s just it felt too domestic. 

After a couple of minutes, Levi emerges from the bathroom with a towel covering his waist. His hair is still dripping wet which makes him look cute. 

“You look like a wet dog.” I chuckle. I was sitting on my bed using the headboard to prop my back up. 

“A wet dog you want to have sex with.” He says mischievously. 

“Ew don’t say that. It sounds inhumane.” I throw a pillow at him causing him to drop his towel. 

“You did that on purpose,” he says looking down at his now bare waist. 

“I will not deny that accusation,” I say crossing my arms. 

Levi ended up calling into work the next morning saying he felt sick. I made fun of him for the lame excuse because he was definitely the opposite of sick. We spent the rest of the day in bed talking about nothing important. When he left to go back to his place I realized that it didn’t matter what the future ahead for us. All that mattered is that he was here now and I should just enjoy it while it lasts.


End file.
